it's been a while since I've written but so many things have happened. like, so freaking many things. I don't even know. every time i want to write an entry i type it out and then re-read it and it sounds like i'm related to patients in an insane asylum. did i mention the time my dad said he didn't want to come for graduation because i refused to order take-away? no? yeah, he did that. because it was my mum's birthday and they wanted me to do something special. i said okay. then he reminded me to get take-away six times between 9am and 3pm on that day. the seventh time i asked to be put on speakerphone and told him that even if i wanted to, i couldn't order take-away before 5pm. cue half an hour of crying and yelling on the phone (because i don't deserve to be his daughter and that he doesn't want to be related to me anymore) and a week of silence from him. this was the first week of term and i had four deadlines + my dissertation chapter submission. good times, right?
this morning, they're on their way to an early morning doctors appointment. they called me from their mobile phone and i called back on the landline. apparently they'd left home already and my sister picked up the phone. they fucking flipped their shit. cue fifteen minutes of incoherent screaming on the phone. i have no words. i have no words at all.
life is exhausting. i have a 20% presentation on clinical negligence litigation policy making tomorrow. i'm on the verge of tears. i have so much stuff to do, and i was supposed to do a tesco shop today but this emotional nonsense drains me. i just want to be happy and content. i'm happy and content when i don't have to deal with them. people say that you're supposed to detach yourself from negative people in your life. what do you do if the negative people in your life are your family? what do you do if it's neither culturally appropriate nor practically possible to detach yourself from them? how long do i have to live with this? i'm on the other fucking side of the planet and they're still enough to make me lose my mind.
i don't want to go home. i don't want to live with them. i'm so tired of this nonsense.
can i please live in my office? do you think anyone would mind?